ON THE SECOND THOUGHT, M'LADY, WITH ALL DUE RESPECT, I DON'T BLAME HIM FOR PEEPING - THERE WAS QUITE SOMETHING TO PEEP AT AT THAT TIME, YOU KNOW.
BOWING,
HUMBLY YOURS,
BARON BALVENNIE, THE SCOTTISH REBELLIOUS KOSOVAR.

Glenmorangie that's an improvement.

"WITH A FENCE PLANK HALFWAY UP ....."
/AWESTRUCK/
ENCORE! ENCORE!

Two Federal Soldiers Shot

MOSCOW, Jun 22, 2000 -- (Agence France Presse) Russian warplanes kept up their blitz of Chechen guerrillas dug deep in the separatist North Caucasus republic's mountains on Thursday as another two government soldiers died in a rebel attack.

In the latest incident, two Russian soldiers died and another two were injured when Chechen fighters fired on a military vehicle, the ITAR-TASS news agency quoted army officials as saying.

The attack took place near Mesker-Yurt, a village some 15 kilometers (nine miles) east of Grozny, where another soldier died on Wednesday in a controlled land mine explosion.

Chechen guerrillas attacked 22 army positions in the latest reported 24-hour span, the AVN military news agency said

Hairy,

You smell like a babooooooons Cunt

>>>Baron Von Moron,
ENVIOUS_ENVIOUS..HEHE..MISSING THE BARON TITLE? ON THE SECOND THOUGHT, YOU'LL MAKE A COOL CROWNSCHWEIN ON THE RTL.LOL
>>>I know what your mom was thinking when you were birthed by the vet...
"Acceptance of what has happened is the first step to overcoming the consequences of any misfortune".
PERSONAL EXPERIENCE ALWAYS WELCOME AT THE JERRY SPRINGER'S. SAD, I MISSED YOUR APPEARANCE, BUT YOU MAY RECITE YOUR MOM'S ANAL PREGNANCY THOUGHTS HERE IN FULL. YOUR BRO ALLAMERICAN WOULD BE EAGER TO LEARN IT TOO, I SUPPOSE.LOL

>>>Hairy,
You smell like a babooooooons Cunt
WHAT AN EXPERIENCE!_WHAT AN EXPERIENCE!
ALLAMERICAN MUFFDIVER'S ZOO LIFE PAYS OFF!
FEMALE BABOONS WERE KEPT SATISFIED!
ROFL

BaronVonDickBreath,
Come on man you can do better than that! Ah I don't think I've ever aligned myself with allamerican, never had a conversation with the man. Anyway that's what I figured, you sitting there watching jerry springer, banging on the key board, eating twinkies, picking your nose, shiit under your nails from scratching your ass, no hair, no life, smoking.

>>>Glenmorangie that's an improvement.
M'LADY! IMPLORING YOU NOT TO BE RUDE ON THE HUMBLE MINSTREL SECRETLY ADMIRING YOU FROM THE FAR-OFF OF HIS CASTLE..
/FAINTED OF LOVE/
/REGAINED CONSCIOUSNESS/
I'LL CONQUER LANDS!.
/WAVING A SWORD AND ACCIDENTALLY PRODDING BETTERTHAYOU'S BUM/
/ARRRRGH!!!-IT'S BETTERTHANYOU/
/BARON GLENMORANGIE/
PISSS OFF, YA CALIFORNIAN CLOWN!!
/GRUMBLING/
THOSE UGLY AMERICANS!
/CURTAIN/

BaronVonWishIHadWhiteteeth,
"Ugly Americans" come on bro what continent is full of people with rotten teeth? A;Europe! AHHH California the land of sunshine, a strong economy, and luxury living... Now about your voyeristic homosexual fantasies, sorry I'm not that way...

Boy this is fun, just like Jake was back, what rock did you crawl out from under, or should I say cheek?

>>>By betterthanyou ( - 155.163.223.114) on Friday, June 23, 2000 - 12:11 pm:
>>>BaronVonDickBreath,
>>>Come on man you can do better than that! Ah I don't think I've ever aligned myself with >>>allamerican, neverhad a conversation with the man. Anyway that's what I figured, you sitting there >>>watching jerry springer, banging on the key board, eating twinkies, picking your nose, shiit under >>>your nails from scratching your ass, no hair, no life, smoking.
FBI VIOLENT CRIMES UNIT ON THE TRIBAL BEHAVIOUR OF CALIFORNIAN BETTERTHANYOUS.
ABOVE IS A EXCERPT FROM A TAPED MONOLOGUE OF THE CAPTURED BETTERTHANYOU SPECIMEN.
WARNING
EXTREMELY DANGEROUS MUTATION OF HOMO SAPIENS!
RECOMMENDED ACTION
SHOOT ON THE SPOT

>>>BaronVonWishIHadWhiteteeth,
GOOD, I KNOW NOW UNDER WHICH NAME TO LOOK YOU UP ON THE LIST. LOL
>>>"Ugly Americans" come on bro what continent is full of people with rotten teeth?
ALLAMERICAN'S YOUR ANAL BRO!
WHY, THE US! WITH ALL THAT DENTAL CARE AND FALSE TEETH.LOL
>>>California the land of sunshine, a strong economy, and luxury living... Now about your voyeristic
homosexual fantasies, sorry I'm not that way...
WHAT ABOUT YOUR NEW TOYS FROM A LOCAL HOMO SEX_SHOP? FACE THE TRUTH, YA DUMB BELL HERCULES.
>>>Boy this is fun, just like Jake was back, what rock did you crawl out from under, or should I say cheek?
I'M MORE THAN GLAD YOU HAD A GOOD TIME WANKING. ROFL

>>>typical of the most perfect Roman carving of Hercules.
A C-130?
LOL

A little story about BaronVonDickless,

Friday night is very much love night for the Baron. Arriving back from the pub, having partaken of the traditional Scottish aphrodisiac--12 pints, a black pudding supper and 3 pickled onions--his mind set on one thing. LOVE! Or as he say's himself "ma nookie." His lust at fever pitch after the sensuous excitement of a hard night's dominoes, he approaches his beloved wife, enticing her with gentle words of passion--"Any chance a ma hole?" The good lady in question perhaps over excited by the erotic smell of stale beer or the sensuous vision of picked onions sticking to his chin, is at first somewhat reluctant. This coy reluctance is expressed with the flirtatious reply "Awaity fucck ya bam."
Foreplay
Foreplay is very important indeed. This basically consists of the male casting off his slightly soiled Y-fronts provocatively at his wife, usually landing skid-mark side down, as he approaches the bed singing the ancient Gaelic fertility chant "Here we go, here we go, here we go." Upon reaching the bed he comments proudly on this rampant 8-incher. This is a classic example of alcohol induced double vision.
Initial Problems
After 12 pints, sometimes the man's wee Willie Winkie is a trifle reluctant to extend itself (literally). Impotence is very much a blow to the man's self esteem and the wife has to be very tactful. She will offer gentle and sensitive words of encouragement such as "Ya useless bastard" or possibly "It never happens to the milkman." Oral sex is a great favourite of the Scotsman. He approaches his wife with a cheeky invitation, "How'd ya like to put your teeth roon this?" The woman nods willingly and points suggestively to her falsies smiling happily in a bedside tumbler. "On ye go," she says, "but don't disturb me." Unprepared by this slight rejection the man drives enthusiastically to perform such a service for his wife. A breakdown in communication often leads to problems. The man may emerge from below, his face like wet tomato, uttering a pointed but tender rebuke, "Bastard, you could have told me it was your bad week."
Down to Business
Eventually the moment comes to consummate their tender love. Again alcohol-induced double vision is an important factor as the man decides which of his willies to use for penetration. Sometimes in his excitement as he moves into his position he may suffer from severe premature ejaculation. A phenomenon he explains to his wife using the poetic phrase "Oh ••••, I've shot ma load." If this does occur it is essential he makes up for disappointing his wife by uttering tender and loving compliments such as, perhaps, informing her she's the nicest woman he's ever come across. An imaginative lover, the Scotsman, possibly having read the woman likes to be spoken dirty to, says such things as "shite, arsehole." The woman is speechless. The man is now thrusting away, his mind a kaleidoscope of jumbled erotic thoughts. The woman wonders if they should repaint the ceiling. Sometimes she utters a word of encouragement such as "Are you sure it's in?" Given his level of sexual expertise the Scotsman's ideal partner should be a versatile lover specialising in the faked orgasm. This takes the form of a breathless shout "Ooyah, ooyah, gallus big man." Eventually its all over. The man roles over, falls asleep, and commences snoring like a pig. There's no one in the world performs quite like a Scotsman--a veritable prince in the kingdom of sex.

THE WORLD'S LEADING AUTHORITY ON EXTRAORDINARY SMELLS COMES TO THE SURFACE FOR A BREATH OF FRESH AIR, DISPLAYS HIS INTELLECTUAL LEVEL AND RUNS AWAY LIKE A RABBIT.

WHAT'S THE MATTER PUSS FACE QUEEN BROWNSTAINS ALLAM THE GREAT LEADER OF THE HOMO 5, ARE YOU STILL AFRAID TO ENTER INTO A PROPER DIALOG WITH A POOR, TIMID, DEFENSELESS TINY FEMALE LIKE ME? OR LIKE THE SCHWINE THAT YOU ARE, YOU FIND IT MORE SEXUALLY STIMULATING TO SIMPLY DISPLAY TO THE WORLD YOUR DISGUSTING, VULAR, LOWLIFE,TRAILER PARK LIVING DEMEANOR AND THEN CRAWL BACK UNDER YOUR ROCK FOR YET ANOTHER ROUND OF SELF AMUSEMENTS? THUMP, THUMP, THUMP, BE CAREFUL, YOU THUMB MASTER, TO MUCH OF THAT MIGHT CAUSE BLINDNESS. THAT'S ALRIGHT, FOR YOUR TOTALY BLIND TO THE WAYS OF REAL WORLD ANYWAYS.

ON SECOND THOUGHT HERO, HOW'S ABOUT PROVIDING ME WITH YOUR TRAILER PARK ADDRESS, WHEN I'M IN YOUR NECK OF THE WOODS I WOULD BE MOST HAPPY TO PAY YOU A VISIT, THEN WE'LL SEE HOW MUCH OF A PERSON YOU REALLY ARE WHEN I ASK YOU TO SAY THAT TO MY FACE. PIECE OF SH1T THAT YOU ARE, REAL TOUGH GUY. A REAL ALL AMERICAN MAN, AND I'VE MET SEVERAL WOULD POUND YOU INTO THE GROUND WITHOUT BATING AN EYE FOR YOUR VULGARITY. SO STOP USING ALLAM AS A USER NAME, YOUR NOT ONE OR ANY OTHER ALL NATIONALITY FOR THAT MATTER. THERE ARE MANY OTHER ALL______ THAT'S MORE APPROPRIATE FOR YOUR LEVEL. FEEL FREE TO USE ANY OF THE FOLLOWING: ALLCOWARD, ALLNOTHING, ALLQUEEN, ALLSCUM, ALLTRASH, ALLHOMO, ALLDUMMY, ALLLOSER, ALLDRUNK, ALLSISSY, ALLWIMP, ALLSH!T, ALLNOBALLS, ALLMOUTH, ALLQUEER, ALLPEDAPHILE OR JUST A PLAIN BEGGER. GET THE IDEA PUNK MASTER FORNICATOR?

ps. Have you started to wear shoes yet?

Good Afternoon Mary,
How are you doing today?

Back to the topic! Top 10 reasons the Baron is rejected by women!

1.I think of you as a brother.
You remind me of that inbred banjo-playing geek in "Deliverance."
2.There's a slight difference in our ages.
You are one Jurassic geezer.
3.I'm not attracted to you in that way.
You are the ugliest dork I've ever laid eyes upon.
4.My life is too complicated right now.
I don't want you spending the whole night or else you may hear phone calls from all the other guys I'm seeing.
5.I've got a boyfriend...
...who's really my male cat and a half gallon of Ben and Jerry's.
6.I don't date men where I work.
Hey, bud, I wouldn't even date you if you were in the same solar system, much less the same building.

7.It's not you, it's me.
It's not me, it's you.
8.I'm concentrating on my career.
Even something as boring and unfulfilling as my job is better than dating you.
9.I'm celibate.
I've sworn off only the men like you.
10.Let's be friends.
I want you to stay around so I can tell you in excruciating detail about all the other men I meet and have sex with. It's that male perspective thing.